Monday, August 16, 2010

The Unexpected Gifts of Online Dating

I am having a much different experience with online dating than I have ever had before. Since I've gone into this new adventure with a desire for sexual exploration specifically (and without any kind of hope/expectation for finding a long term partner), I am finding my understanding of a "successful" connection is much more open.

Gift: In my last post I mentioned a man who is turning me on intellectually. We have shared our sexual interests and fantasies in writing and in conversation. Through our sharings, and more specifically through answering his questions, I have explored many ideas and new fantasies. I am learning new things about myself, sexually and emotionally, with nearly every interaction. Due to scheduling and other issues, we haven't had a sexual encounter yet. And maybe for one reason or another we won't. I don't know. But it doesn't really matter. What matters is that I am continuing to unfold in new and beautiful ways as I learn more about who I am and what I desire.

Gift: I am experiencing openness at a new level. I follow nearly every impulse to express what I'm thinking or feeling, even if it may lead nowhere or even to rejection. I am enjoying the process of being open for itself, rather than picking and choosing who I am open to because I am invested in something specific coming from it.

Gift: I am realizing that I am not really a shy person any longer. I don't have difficulty talking to or being open with new people. I share my sexual vulnerabilities with no restraint. I need to let go of the story and any limitations that come from the story that I am shy.

Gift: My confidence in expressing myself is getting stronger every day. I am becoming more bold and I am becoming more of a flirt. I hope to carry this confidence and flirtaciousness into my every day life.

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