Sunday, November 22, 2009


For my friends who might want to understand me a little better...I never thought to write my own spiritual mission statement and now I don't have to. Sera Beak has put words to my perspective on my place in the world and why my spirituality permeates everything that I do, including the Society. She calls it being a Redvolutionary.

"There are 6 main qualities or 6 bold ways of being that a Redvolutionary intends to encounter, tickle, and eventually manifest through her life and they are:

1. Know Myself

This means I take the time and make the effort to really know who I am: my mind, body, emotions, sexuality, patterns, beliefs, issues, spirit, soul - the conscious and the unconscious and the in-between via certain practices and approaches that resonate with me (some of these may look traditionally spiritual some may not – meditation, hula hooping, yoga, cupcake appreciation and so on).

Besides actively seeking out and using specific practices and approaches to come to know myself, I treat my life as a teacher. I’m aware that the universe speaks in metaphor. I’m willing to use symbolic sight in order to realize that everything that happens in my life – from the glorious to the shitty – if I allow it too, has the potential to wake me up even more to myself so I can be a better, more authentic human.

As a redvolutionary, knowing my self, means knowing the divine. Let me repeat, the best way for me to know the divine intimately, is to know myself intimately, as our essential nature’s are the same. Yum.

2. Know this World

I do not try to escape this world, or transcend this world, or treat this world only as an illusion or a trap or a mistake or a pit stop on the way to heaven or nirvana or the 5th dimension. I do not treat this world as anything less than divine.

This means I do not numb out in front of the T.V. with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s every night (or however I may numb out or be apathetic). I’m not only willing to wake up to my own personal reality, but also to the impersonal reality of this planet. I’m willing to see the truth of this world – globally and locally: of politicians, religions, social structures, environment, the media, what’s going on in my neighborhood, my own community and family.

I educate and inform myself so that I make clearer more conscious decisions across the board – how do I vote? How do I recycle? Where do I buy my food/clothes/vibrators? I take responsibility for my actions, thoughts, energy and my life. Just to be clear: There’s not a “right” redvolutionary decision, a “right” redvolutionary choice, thought or way to be. A Redvolutionary is simply willing to become very conscious of her choices and she’s willing to see the reasons why she is making that particular choice.

Turning red is also about embodied spirituality – meaning my spirituality is dynamic, active, fleshed out and lived in. Spirituality is not separate from my everyday, compartmentalized into a after-work power yoga class or morning meditation practice or Sunday prayers. It is life. And life is It.

3. Embrace Myself

What I come to know about myself, I intend to accept and eventually love – all of it: my spirit and my soul, my body and my sexuality, my desires and my passion, my talents and my gifts, as well as my unhealthy habits, addictions or fears, so my light and the dark, my seemingly “good” and “bad,” my clear skin and my pimples.

A Redvolutionary embraces her whole self out loud, boldly, uncompromisingly. And when she’s not able to do this cause she’s dealing with a particular hardship or trauma or simply stressed out or having a bad hair day or if she just simply forgets – she forgives herself, laughs or cries, resets her intent to embrace herself and moves with total gratitude into the next opportunity to do so. As we all know, life is great at providing us non-stop opportunities to practice embracing ourselves.

This is an important one: Despite the somewhat glorious title of “spiritual superheroine” - being a redvolutionary isn’t about being invincible or perfect or being “spiritual” or “enlightened” – it’s about being yourself – the full messy, raw dirty, funky, authentic lovely human self. A woman willing to be this transparent and vulnerable, a woman willing to reveal her true self in this world no madda what - is revolutionary, rare, daring, a superpowered strength – and I think it’s one of the main reasons we’re here.

Through this awareness, intent, practice and openness to our own embrace - eventually and quite naturally, a redvolutionary falls truly, madly, deeply in love with her self and this planet. She becomes a Lover with a capital “L”

Being a Redvolutionary is about becoming a “making of love”. A juicy wild ecstatic “oh yeah!” of necessity.

Embracing myself in this way, loving myself UP (and down), is how I come to also truly embrace and love the divine (cause remember, in the red perspective, you two are not so two as you are one. Essentially).

4. Embrace my World

As I practice accepting, embracing, and eventually loving myself, it’s only natural that I start to practice accepting, embracing, and loving others with all their faults and gifts, and this world in all it’s pain and horror and wars and devastation and injustice as well as all it’s joy and peace and beauty and creation - and every nuance in between. And I am grateful, so very, very grateful to be here. And I act like it.

Through this intimate embrace, I start to experience, on a fundamental cellular level, through knowing, not just believing, that All really is One. We’re all made up of the same divine energy, particles, dirt, air, stardust as the rose bush, that dog, that Iraqi woman, my coffee cup. So, I embrace this world as a living, breathing, growing, natural element and extension of my self.

My actions, thoughts, and choices begin to stem from my heart, they come from love -not sappy vanilla pudding hallmark love, not fluffy new age “love and light” mumbo, but red blazing true love, unconditional love, fierce love, the type of love that sets your eyelashes on fire and blows your “spiritually correct” panties off – the type of love that creates massive change on this planet. As Tom Robbins says “Love is the ultimate outlaw”

5. Liberate Myself

I intend to liberate myself from everything (conscious or unconscious) that keeps me contained, repressed, unhealthy, or that makes me feel small, ashamed, sinful, separate, and forgetful of my true divine nature.

I begin to do this by igniting my divine spark, which means becoming more conscious and intimate with my inner self. Yep, a divine spark has many names, some refer to it as Spirit, or your higher self, or True Self, your inner God or Goddess, or Buddha nature, or True Being, or Self with a capital S as Jung would call it, or Love, or as my tango teacher calls it “my inner chilli pepper”. Labels and theological or philosophical distinctions don’t matter to me, personal meaning and direct actions do.

So…I live my life based on my intuitions and guidance from this internal authority, my divine spark – I do not live my life based on the opinions, ideas, beliefs, rules, trends given to me by external authorities such as the media, politicians, fashion magazines, doctors, spiritual gurus, priests.

This does not mean I exclude external authorities, I respect them and learn from them and enjoy them and I seek them out when it’s appropriate, but my ultimate authority is my divine spark.

By becoming my own spiritual authority I might start quite naturally and quite organically breaking away from the status quo – I might blow up boxes: religious boxes, spiritual boxes, political boxes, social boxes, health boxes, age boxes, relationship boxes, sex boxes, fashion boxes, cookie cutter molds and so on and so forth.

This means I will probably not be a stereotypical “good girl” anymore.

BUT I do not break boxes in order to be provocative or simply rebellious. I do so from a place of authentic love and compassion. My redvolution is NOT done out of conscious or unconscious reaction, but out of a fully conscious response to my inner truth. In other words, I live from the inside out. I am empowered from the inside out. I am free to be whatever it is I am in the moment - in the bedroom or in the boardroom.

BOTTOM LINE: There can’t be a Redvolution if our divine sparks, our true selves, aren’t leading the way. (Goddess knows we’ve witnessed enough “revolts” led by the ego and the penis).

6. Liberate this world:

I liberate myself in order to help liberate others. Although there is a spiritual superheroine archetype to a redvolutionary, she does not believe anyone or anything needs saving. In other words – a redvolutionary is not here to save the world, she’s here to serve the world. Or, another somewhat paradoxical way to look at it is a redvolutionary helps save the world by saving her self. Meaning any focus and work on (and play with) myself is done so I can be that much better at serving others and this planet.

You see, when we ignite our divine sparks we start quite naturally recognizing the divine spark in every living thing, which leads us to naturally want to be of service in ways that are appropriate for us and so we actively and eagerly seek out a variety of ways to do so.

And the cool thing is, we’re more effective with our acts of service because they stem from this deep inner well of wisdom, love, and fiery freedom. We don’t burn out so easily because we’re not relying on our personal power alone, but also the power of everything and everyone we are connected to and the slap-happy holy moly Universe itself. We are a non-stop love conduit of blaring bliss. A spirited energizer bunny on 34 cups of cosmic caffeine. A secret agent of radical red change."

Falling In Love Again

I haven't written (publicly) for two months. I keep starting to draft blog posts but either get distracted or insecure about sharing too much. The Masquerade kept me quite busy through September and October, but it would be dishonest to say that's the only reason I haven't written. The truth is that I've been going through a process of re-evaluating my relationship to the Society and I haven't been comfortable with sharing it in such a public forum.

When we had our lovefest before the Masquerade began (which is where we bring the staff together to connect and energize with intention), I told them that I felt that the intention for the party was to fall in love. Half our staff were newbies who needed to fall in love with us in order to be invested in sustaining our efforts. The other half were those who've been together since the beginning and I saw that we need to consciously choose to fall in love with each other and the Imps again. We have reached that place in our relationship where we are tired, taking each other for granted, and have seen each other's shadows up close. We need to forgive and become vulnerable again. We need to recommit to the light in the vision we share and the deep love we feel for each other in order to keep moving forward in joy.

What I didn't tell them at the time was that I needed to fall in love again. I was feeling taken for granted, unappreciated, tired of dirty laundry and scrambling for volunteers for breakdown and storage after events. I felt that I was giving everything I had and wasn't being fed in return. But I also wasn't sure what it was I needed to sustain my passion to serve. It took awhile to realize that I wasn't experiencing the intimate relationship with individuals that I desire, that I thrive in. I was having a relationship with the collective (I tell my partner that we are in a poly relationship except that my outside lover is the entire Imp community), but I wasn't making deeper connections. I also realized that in a year and a half, not one of my tribemates had ever asked me to play, which seems odd. I know that I am well loved and that many find me attractive. Why wouldn't they ask me to play? I learned there are two reasons. One, I did not ask others to play (too insecure), nor project a desire that others could pick up on. Two, people are intimidated by their leaders.

If you've been to this blog before, you might notice a slight change to the name. It was called Diary of an Erotic Impress. Impress is a nickname our staff came up with for the three of us several months ago, a cute play on words. But there are connotations of royalty, of being separate from the community due to status. I am not comfortable with that. At the staff party after the Masquerade, I asked that we not be called Impresses anymore. We are Hostesses. We create a (temporary) home for others to express themselves openly, in comfort and safety. We are leaders by default. First and foremost we serve. The only thing that makes us different from everyone else is our shared passion to serve in this particular way. And why we serve is to create for others what we want for ourselves: connection, play, witness, and love for who we are.

Through the last event and subsequent tribe gatherings I have fallen in love again. And I have discovered what I need to sustain my ability to serve, to give all that I can without burning out. I need intimacy. I need personal connection. I need to talk and touch and kiss and play with my friends. I need to share our personal stories, to go deeper in how we know and love one another.

I am taking steps towards meeting my needs. Instead of waiting for others to invite me, I am inviting my friends to play. I am reaching out to people I resonate with to establish deeper connections. And I am sharing more openly about my own process, which brings me back to this blog. I believe I will be writing more again. It brings me joy to write. It helps my process to share my story. And I believe it leads to potentials in intimacy. When someone opens up and shares their experience, others are inspired to do the same. Connections are made when we recognize parts of our story in another. Maybe sharing here will bring me closer to someone.

Thank you for witnessing this rebirth.