Thursday, August 12, 2010

My Rules of Attraction

As mentioned previously, I put out an ad under Craiglist's Casual Encounters, specifically seeking sexual domination. This is the part describing what I thought I am looking for...

Seeking a kind yet sexually dominant man who desires to use me as his fucktoy. Someone who is strong and forceful in his desire to use my body for his pleasure. Someone who can make me weak in the knees and desiring to submit the first time we meet. I have fetishes for cock worship/face fucking, ass play, spanking, and bondage. I love dirty talk. I am open to trying new kinks...Send a pic and tell me what you'd like to do to me.

I had slim hope of finding someone who would actually turn me on in the way I described. When I place personal ads, it's often more of an invitation to the Universe to bring something my way, under any circumstances. But you never know.

Most of the 60+ responses were ridiculous one liners or generic and poorly written or included cock shots rather than a face pic. It was amusing...and disappointing. I am an intelligent woman cruising CL, I know there has to be intelligent men doing the same.

The thing is that I have incredibly high standards. Intelligence really turns me on, as does creativity. A combination of the two, with high emotional intelligence as well, and you could have me squirming.

And someone does. He is intriguing. He seems to be a nice guy, smart as hell, a fellow writer(!), great conversationalist...and he is already enticing my slutty submissive out to play. He was bold enough to send me erotic instructions the other morning, before we'd even met. I wanted to obey. He's told me a bit of what he wants to do to me and I am eager to play. We've mostly been interacting through writing, which I really enjoy. I love connecting through writing, especially erotically. I love having a freedom in saying what I'm feeling that I don't experience in person. And I appreciate opportunities to practice writing about sex. I would love to turn people on with my words.

I am recognizing that part of this adventure into sluthood has to do with exploring the flavors of attraction. What turns me on and why? How much has to do with the person and how much with the act? What kind of ecstasy can I achieve with various combinations of lover and kink? Can I experience open-heartedness by dropping my walls and being sexually vulnerable in emotionally safe but non-romantic/non-bonded interactions?

I am fascinated by the questions and the discoveries that are arising from this new adventure. exploration into why I'm seeking out experiences in submission through objectification and humiliation.

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