Accountability and Healing

I felt it was appropriate to precede this post with my feelings about conscious leadership in order to give fuller context. As an aspiring conscious leader I believe in transparency. I believe in telling the truth, especially when it's hard and scary. Raising consciousness is about telling the truth, bringing awareness to previously hidden and taboo information -- the kind of information we would prefer to ignore because it makes us uncomfortable and it makes us accountable. When we raise our consciousness, we become more accountable to living with integrity.

Contrary to what I have seen in the community leaders I have worked for in the past, I believe in taking steps towards healing and restoration of my relationships when I fail and leave emotional wreckage in my wake. Accountability is vital to the healing process. When we make an unhealthy choice that hurts or harms another person, even in the professional world, healing comes from acknowledging our failure and seeking restoration through acts of reconciliation. I think that an important aspect of conscious leadership is public accountability for one's mistakes and shadow behaviors. All long-term relationships are built on forgiveness.

I recently had a failure as a Society Hostess. I participated in a hasty decision that affected the hearts of those in Imps leadership, who are also many of my closest friends. I failed to communicate in open and thoughtful ways about that decision. I lacked consciousness around how the decision, and the process by which it was made, would affect those that I love and respect. In hindsight I am actually a bit stunned that I was so easily carried away by my own process and neglected to keep my eye on the bigger picture, as I usually strive to do.

When we learned that people were hurt by our actions, we had a meeting during which we apologized and held space for open communication around the issue. We felt it was healthier to get everything out in the open, rather than try to communicate as individuals behind the scenes where further misunderstandings and gossip could take root. While it was incredibly painful for many of us, it was also a remarkable act of trust in our love to be so raw and open about our feelings. As I listened to people express their concerns and frustration about our actions, I heard a common theme around lack of trust and a sense of not being seen or considered. The lack of trust tells me that even greater transparency is warranted. Since I have my own issues around being invisible, I have a lot of compassion for people feeling that they weren't seen or considered. I have a deep desire that everyone be truly witnessed for who they are and what they give. It hurt my heart that my actions contributed to someone feeling unseen.

Our first step toward healing was beginning our next leadership meeting with an act of intentional reconciliation. Each person pulled a name from a hat and expressed what they most appreciate about what that person brings to the Society. Then the receiver of appreciation shared what they feel they do that is unseen -- something about their work for the Society that is done behind the scenes and most people are not aware of. I believe it was an effective activity. I know that I see everyone and what they give better than I did before and I felt love flowing between us again.

I also felt witnessed. I was deeply touched by what is appreciated about me. I was told that it is the sharing of my journey of evolution, my desire to be more and do better that is most appreciated. I have told people before that my greatest kink is my personal evolution. Nothing turns me on more or keeps my fire of passion more alive than the process of evolving toward deeper consciousness and greater love. I am grateful that I am seen for this.

One thing I know about traditional management is that leaders rarely hold themselves accountable for their failures. They rarely acknowledge the heartache that they cause their employees or community when they fail, let alone sit in a room and hold space for those who have been hurt to air their grievances. As much failure as I have been witness to in community organizations, I have never seen leaders take intentional action towards reconciliation with those they have hurt. I am sure that we are not the first, that there are other organizations who practice conscious leadership in these ways. I just haven't met them yet. I look forward to when I do. Until then, I share our stories in hopes of inspiring others to consider a different way of doing business and/or leading a community.

Leadership 101: Conscious Leadership

In my last post I wrote in generalities about what it means to be an erotic hostess. What was missing from that post is what it means to be a conscious community leader.

I used to say that my first 8 years working in the non-profit world was leadership boot camp. I worked in direct support of Executive Directors and Boards of Directors for multiple organizations. Most of my experiences were learning from the failures that come from a lack of consciousness. In one case I witnessed an organization’s leadership fail do the necessary work to raise the money to be sustainable and was eventually laid off (as was the Executive Director). In another organization I witnessed the Executive Director, who was remarkable at keeping the money flowing but out of touch with day-to-day operations, come in and make careless decisions that created a dysfunctional culture. I witnessed another Executive Director rule through a tyranny of fear, creating a frightened and depressed culture. I have witnessed Board members who were more interested in the clout associated with Board service than they were in actually doing the work needed for an organization’s success. I have witnessed political and personal conflicts combined with unhealthy communication practices create cultures of tension, fear and heartache. Out of the six organizations I worked for, only one had strong leadership and a healthy culture, and even that organization then hired a new ED who was great at networking and creating a great image, but terrible at people management. She felt putting the money into a pretty building was more important than retaining the positions and people providing direct services.

I have learned that conscious leadership* is vital to an organization’s overall health. I have learned that people are an organization’s primary resource and the one that is most mismanaged. I have learned that the traditional business model that believes being professional means leaving your feelings at the door is unhealthy and unrealistic. The emotional does matter and it matters more than anything else, especially in community service. If people don’t feel good about the work they are doing, or the place they are doing it in, then they will not be capable of making a positive difference in the lives of those that they serve. If an organization’s culture is dysfunctional, it will not have an effective impact on the community. If it is funded by donations and client services, a negative culture will have great difficulty attracting donors and clients for long-term survival. If it can survive because its services are government funded and vital to human welfare, it will not have people who deliver services with kindness and compassion. Employees who are afraid, depressed, and burned out are going to pass on that culture to their clients.

Now I realize that those first 8 years were more like leadership internships and now I am actually in boot camp. Since I started leading the Impropriety Society two years ago, I have attempted to take everything I have learned about conscious leadership and apply it to our decision making processes, especially in regards to managing people and navigating relationships where the lines blur so much between the professional and the personal. Due to the complex nature of working with identity, sex and relationship, we have to make decisions that other businesses or organizations don’t have to consider. We have had to make staffing decisions that are not based on professional qualifications, but whether someone is capable of healthy communication and facilitating a safe emotional space for others. We have had to deny volunteers leadership positions because they have issues around sobriety. Our decisions have to be emotionally healthy if we are to facilitate as safe environment possible (knowing there is no true safety) for people to explore their deepest issues around identity, sex and relationship.

What I am learning is that being a good leader isn’t about your professional qualifications or expertise. It isn’t about life experience or having all the answers. Conscious, healthy leadership is about one’s willingness to take responsibility for everything – the successes and the failures, the practical logistics and the emotional culture – in an organization, as well as in one’s own life. It is about having the motivation to think about every word that you say and every action that you take and how it will affect others. It is about taking the time to study those who have succeeded and work to implement what you have learned into your own practices. It is about being willing to make every effort, fail, and then have the humility to apologize and make an even better effort the next time around.

It is my goal to be a conscious leader and encourage conscious leadership practices within the Society. I believe bringing consciousness to everything that we do is what makes us a revolutionary organization.
___________
* Dictionary Definition of Consciousness - awake, thinking and aware of what is happening around you.

Seven Attributes of Conscious Leadership

1. Provides authentic, values-based leadership
2. Clearly aware of people and situations from many angles
3. Consistently demonstrates the ability to listen on multiple levels
4. Balanced in their thinking with an observer’s hat on – aware of their own biases and emotional investment in the outcome
5. Heightened ability to communicate on many levels
6. Intrinsically validates and engages others
7. Ability to model and coach others in Conscious Leadership

What Does It Mean to be an Erotic Hostess?

Sometimes I wonder if I should change the title of this blog; while it is compelling and truthful, it is also deceiving. It could make people think they will read a lot about sex. While I have great sex several times a week with my partner, and have lovely sensual and BDSM experiences with friends, sex really has little to do with my position as a hostess for erotic events. Of course our parties -- the primary service we offer -- are very much about sexual expression. But what we do as Hostesses is far more about creating the space and facilitating the community relationship in which to have free sexual expression than it is about sex itself.

Creating a space requires all of the logistical work: negotiating rentals, ticket management, marketing, purchasing equipment and decorations, renting a truck and moving all the stuff from storage, purchasing and preparing food, and setting up and decorating the space. It also requires managing the various crews, the all staff meeting and trainings. But that is really the easy and least time-consuming part.

Most of this work is about facilitating the community relationship. Whether it is nurturing relationships with community members or managing our leadership staff or responding to community issues both online and offline, most of my time is spent facilitating community in some way. The three of us have as many conversations about how to address various relationships as we do about the logistics of party planning.

We had no idea this is what our jobs or our lives would turn into. We went into this with some romantic notions about throwing sexy parties. Due to my involvement in the previous incarnation of local sex parties, I knew that we were working with some big energies and that people's lives can change when they experience the freedom and safety of a well-produced event. But I didn't know that every choice we make in relationship to other people would be so important to the success of our mission or how much personal evolution we would go through in the process of learning to make the right choices. I didn't know how we would be held accountable for every choice, whether through positive validation or through complaint. I didn't know that I would suddenly have to put everything I had learned by watching other leaders fail in managing people over the last 10 years into practice.

When we wrote our mission and vision statements, they were a lot of pretty words and theoretical concepts. We weren't really conscious yet of the personal and community work it would take to live up to them. As expressed in my previous post, creating safe emotional space for a truly inclusive sex-positive community requires a healthy standard for behavior and communication. It is a higher standard than I have ever been asked, or required, to live up to before.

I realize that as emotionally draining as it can be at times, this is a significant aspect of my bliss. Relationship and communication are my favorite ways to spend my time and energy. Opportunities for deeper understanding and intimacy bring me great joy. Opportunities to make healing choices in the face of heartache enlighten me. Yet I don't always get it right. I am introverted by nature. I am not so good at knowing how to start conversations with new guests or nurturing new relationships with those that I don't have an immediate chemistry with. I have exhausted days and am not as present to people as I desire to be or they need me to be. Occasionally I get upset and sometimes I am more transparent than I should be about my thoughts and feelings. Navigating healthy and inclusive relationship takes hard work, but it's work that fulfills my heart like nothing else does.

Redvolutionary

For my friends who might want to understand me a little better...I never thought to write my own spiritual mission statement and now I don't have to. Sera Beak has put words to my perspective on my place in the world and why my spirituality permeates everything that I do, including the Society. She calls it being a Redvolutionary.

"There are 6 main qualities or 6 bold ways of being that a Redvolutionary intends to encounter, tickle, and eventually manifest through her life and they are:

1. Know Myself

This means I take the time and make the effort to really know who I am: my mind, body, emotions, sexuality, patterns, beliefs, issues, spirit, soul - the conscious and the unconscious and the in-between via certain practices and approaches that resonate with me (some of these may look traditionally spiritual some may not – meditation, hula hooping, yoga, cupcake appreciation and so on).

Besides actively seeking out and using specific practices and approaches to come to know myself, I treat my life as a teacher. I’m aware that the universe speaks in metaphor. I’m willing to use symbolic sight in order to realize that everything that happens in my life – from the glorious to the shitty – if I allow it too, has the potential to wake me up even more to myself so I can be a better, more authentic human.

As a redvolutionary, knowing my self, means knowing the divine. Let me repeat, the best way for me to know the divine intimately, is to know myself intimately, as our essential nature’s are the same. Yum.

2. Know this World

I do not try to escape this world, or transcend this world, or treat this world only as an illusion or a trap or a mistake or a pit stop on the way to heaven or nirvana or the 5th dimension. I do not treat this world as anything less than divine.

This means I do not numb out in front of the T.V. with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s every night (or however I may numb out or be apathetic). I’m not only willing to wake up to my own personal reality, but also to the impersonal reality of this planet. I’m willing to see the truth of this world – globally and locally: of politicians, religions, social structures, environment, the media, what’s going on in my neighborhood, my own community and family.

I educate and inform myself so that I make clearer more conscious decisions across the board – how do I vote? How do I recycle? Where do I buy my food/clothes/vibrators? I take responsibility for my actions, thoughts, energy and my life. Just to be clear: There’s not a “right” redvolutionary decision, a “right” redvolutionary choice, thought or way to be. A Redvolutionary is simply willing to become very conscious of her choices and she’s willing to see the reasons why she is making that particular choice.

Turning red is also about embodied spirituality – meaning my spirituality is dynamic, active, fleshed out and lived in. Spirituality is not separate from my everyday, compartmentalized into a after-work power yoga class or morning meditation practice or Sunday prayers. It is life. And life is It.

3. Embrace Myself

What I come to know about myself, I intend to accept and eventually love – all of it: my spirit and my soul, my body and my sexuality, my desires and my passion, my talents and my gifts, as well as my unhealthy habits, addictions or fears, so my light and the dark, my seemingly “good” and “bad,” my clear skin and my pimples.

A Redvolutionary embraces her whole self out loud, boldly, uncompromisingly. And when she’s not able to do this cause she’s dealing with a particular hardship or trauma or simply stressed out or having a bad hair day or if she just simply forgets – she forgives herself, laughs or cries, resets her intent to embrace herself and moves with total gratitude into the next opportunity to do so. As we all know, life is great at providing us non-stop opportunities to practice embracing ourselves.

This is an important one: Despite the somewhat glorious title of “spiritual superheroine” - being a redvolutionary isn’t about being invincible or perfect or being “spiritual” or “enlightened” – it’s about being yourself – the full messy, raw dirty, funky, authentic lovely human self. A woman willing to be this transparent and vulnerable, a woman willing to reveal her true self in this world no madda what - is revolutionary, rare, daring, a superpowered strength – and I think it’s one of the main reasons we’re here.

Through this awareness, intent, practice and openness to our own embrace - eventually and quite naturally, a redvolutionary falls truly, madly, deeply in love with her self and this planet. She becomes a Lover with a capital “L”

Being a Redvolutionary is about becoming a “making of love”. A juicy wild ecstatic “oh yeah!” of necessity.

Embracing myself in this way, loving myself UP (and down), is how I come to also truly embrace and love the divine (cause remember, in the red perspective, you two are not so two as you are one. Essentially).

4. Embrace my World

As I practice accepting, embracing, and eventually loving myself, it’s only natural that I start to practice accepting, embracing, and loving others with all their faults and gifts, and this world in all it’s pain and horror and wars and devastation and injustice as well as all it’s joy and peace and beauty and creation - and every nuance in between. And I am grateful, so very, very grateful to be here. And I act like it.

Through this intimate embrace, I start to experience, on a fundamental cellular level, through knowing, not just believing, that All really is One. We’re all made up of the same divine energy, particles, dirt, air, stardust as the rose bush, that dog, that Iraqi woman, my coffee cup. So, I embrace this world as a living, breathing, growing, natural element and extension of my self.

My actions, thoughts, and choices begin to stem from my heart, they come from love -not sappy vanilla pudding hallmark love, not fluffy new age “love and light” mumbo, but red blazing true love, unconditional love, fierce love, the type of love that sets your eyelashes on fire and blows your “spiritually correct” panties off – the type of love that creates massive change on this planet. As Tom Robbins says “Love is the ultimate outlaw”

5. Liberate Myself

I intend to liberate myself from everything (conscious or unconscious) that keeps me contained, repressed, unhealthy, or that makes me feel small, ashamed, sinful, separate, and forgetful of my true divine nature.

I begin to do this by igniting my divine spark, which means becoming more conscious and intimate with my inner self. Yep, a divine spark has many names, some refer to it as Spirit, or your higher self, or True Self, your inner God or Goddess, or Buddha nature, or True Being, or Self with a capital S as Jung would call it, or Love, or as my tango teacher calls it “my inner chilli pepper”. Labels and theological or philosophical distinctions don’t matter to me, personal meaning and direct actions do.

So…I live my life based on my intuitions and guidance from this internal authority, my divine spark – I do not live my life based on the opinions, ideas, beliefs, rules, trends given to me by external authorities such as the media, politicians, fashion magazines, doctors, spiritual gurus, priests.

This does not mean I exclude external authorities, I respect them and learn from them and enjoy them and I seek them out when it’s appropriate, but my ultimate authority is my divine spark.

By becoming my own spiritual authority I might start quite naturally and quite organically breaking away from the status quo – I might blow up boxes: religious boxes, spiritual boxes, political boxes, social boxes, health boxes, age boxes, relationship boxes, sex boxes, fashion boxes, cookie cutter molds and so on and so forth.

This means I will probably not be a stereotypical “good girl” anymore.

BUT I do not break boxes in order to be provocative or simply rebellious. I do so from a place of authentic love and compassion. My redvolution is NOT done out of conscious or unconscious reaction, but out of a fully conscious response to my inner truth. In other words, I live from the inside out. I am empowered from the inside out. I am free to be whatever it is I am in the moment - in the bedroom or in the boardroom.

BOTTOM LINE: There can’t be a Redvolution if our divine sparks, our true selves, aren’t leading the way. (Goddess knows we’ve witnessed enough “revolts” led by the ego and the penis).

6. Liberate this world:

I liberate myself in order to help liberate others. Although there is a spiritual superheroine archetype to a redvolutionary, she does not believe anyone or anything needs saving. In other words – a redvolutionary is not here to save the world, she’s here to serve the world. Or, another somewhat paradoxical way to look at it is a redvolutionary helps save the world by saving her self. Meaning any focus and work on (and play with) myself is done so I can be that much better at serving others and this planet.

You see, when we ignite our divine sparks we start quite naturally recognizing the divine spark in every living thing, which leads us to naturally want to be of service in ways that are appropriate for us and so we actively and eagerly seek out a variety of ways to do so.

And the cool thing is, we’re more effective with our acts of service because they stem from this deep inner well of wisdom, love, and fiery freedom. We don’t burn out so easily because we’re not relying on our personal power alone, but also the power of everything and everyone we are connected to and the slap-happy holy moly Universe itself. We are a non-stop love conduit of blaring bliss. A spirited energizer bunny on 34 cups of cosmic caffeine. A secret agent of radical red change."

Poverty & Abundance

We had a post to the Imps email list this last week from someone expressing fear of exclusion based on their inability to pay for our workshops, implying that workshops should be offered for free. There were several responses about the rewards of volunteering (besides free entrance to events in exchange), what it costs to produce workshops, and how no one in our organization is making a dime off what we do. But I was feeling that there was something deeper that needed to be addressed and wrote the following:

I feel that we have hit upon a deep and emotionally charged issue for most of us in this discussion about poverty and abundance and that we need to approach this subject with as much compassion and lack of judgment as we can muster as a community. Having come from both severe physical and emotional poverty, and lifted myself out of it, I believe I have something of value to share on both sides of the issue.

Transcending poverty takes a lot of work, and not just the kind where you go out and earn a paycheck. When you have only known poverty and have no role models for abundant consciousness, it is not just a matter of trying to get a decent job (which can be a struggle no matter how educated or experienced you are in Humboldt County—I have been laid off from three of the five organizations I’ve worked for the last 10 years and am worth far more than I am paid right now) or having a positive attitude of gratitude (although it is vital to changing our experience). I know that the person who started this discussion is a parent. An attitude of gratitude does not fill your children’s empty bellies nor make you feel any sense of security in meeting their needs. Not only are you struggling with money, you are struggling with your own doubts that you are being a good parent. I have been working on my own self development for 15 years and I have a very positive and grateful attitude about life. I believe the Universe is on my side. But when those days come that circumstances lead to being uncertain that I can pay a bill or buy healthy food for my kids, I struggle with the same fear and sadness that I heard in the original poster’s email. I wonder if and when the day will come that I am doing more than just surviving, especially with all of the work I have been doing to change my experience.

And I remember how it felt when I wanted desperately to improve myself as a person, to transcend these very issues we are discussing, and couldn’t afford to attend workshops to do that personal work with others, nor were there volunteer or scholarship options available. I didn’t feel the community support we have here, I felt excluded and alone, and I believe that is the experience many people know. Few organizations are run on service alone like ours is, without someone getting paid. The kind of community service, support and connection we offer is new to many people and they may not know how to access it, or even believe such loving abundance is possible for them. I feel it is important to remember this when someone reaches out in their fear of exclusion and not-enoughness. We need to remember that these expressions that come across as angry and accusing are actually based in fear of some kind and approach that fear with loving-kindness the same way we would at an event when someone acts fearfully.

Just as it takes a lot of internal work, patience for ourselves, and compassion/support from others to overcome the social conditioning we have about sex and love, it takes the same to overcome the social conditioning we have about money and abundance. It doesn’t just happen over night or the first time someone tells us it can be different. As the Ethical Slut discusses around the subject of polyamory, many of us were raised in and live in starvation economies. We are taught that there is not enough…not enough love, not enough money. We live in a competition culture that tells us a few of us are winners and the rest of us are losers. We are taught that abundance equals lots of money, not that we can experience abundance through community support. We can’t really know any different until we experience something different. I am experiencing true emotional abundance for the first time in my life through this community and even after a year of consistent love and support, I still have my struggles some days where I feel like a loser. I question my lovability, whether the people in my tribe really see me and want me around. My fear still overcomes the love for a little while. Gratefully I always come back to the love and my foundation grows a little stronger every day. But it may be years before I fully overcome the emotional poverty I was raised in and recreated for myself for years before I learned how to experience abundance.

It takes time and serious effort to rewrite our personal stories, to change a poverty story to an abundance story, or an excluded story to an included story, or an unlovable story to a lovable story. What we can do as a community is lovingly remind each other when we stumble that there is another story that we can be telling ourselves. While we must each take responsibility for our own experience, we have the potential of getting further/quicker along in our evolution if we experience love and empowerment from those around us, especially when we are caught up in our fear.

I do want to let the community know that we are very invested in inclusivity and that we wish for people to reach out to us when they are having an exclusion experience so that we can work to help you overcome it. I know that the current volunteer model may not appear to be a viable option for people who can’t afford our events—parents may not have the funds to pay a babysitter for the set up or break down requirement on top of the event itself or a disabled person may not believe they have something to offer due to their limitations. I would hope that those who are having these kinds of experiences would reach out to us to see what other arrangements might be made. For example, perhaps you have a sewing machine at home and could make pillow cases for us without having to pay a babysitter to be out of the house. Or perhaps a parent could commit to arranging a child-care trade co-op for the group. Maybe you have physical limitations but have things you could do on the computer. Please give us a chance to include you no matter what you perceive your limitations to be. The love and desire to have you participate is here, you just have to believe it is so.

Oh, and I hope that scholarhips become an option in the future. This could happen in a few different ways. More abundant members of our community could sponsor a scholarship for someone else. We may find business sponsorship that will provide some scholarship options. Or we may achieve enough financial support from the community as a whole to have the abundance for scholarships. Or all of the above. We will have to explore it, but I want you to know that we are thinking about it.

Our First Event and Conscious Intention

This is a post I wrote on May 14, 2008 about the Society's first event, Cherries Jubilee, and the conscious intention that we strive to bring to everything we do as an organization. I promise not all my posts will be this lengthy. :)

The Impropriety Society's Cherries Jubilee event was a smashing success! It was visually stunning, the performances were hot, everyone I spoke to was immensely joyful, there was tons of play taking place, and we even broke even financially. There were also dreams that came true for both staff and guests, and many happy first experiences for people craving a safe place to express themselves. We had guests from the Bay area, which is six hours away, because the community building we did before the event really impressed people and the word spread.

What we do is pretty unique and I strongly believe it is because we put conscious intention into both the physical and emotional space that we create. At the end of this blog post I share the intention statements with which we begin each meeting and the event itself, as well as the sharing I gave at our staff meeting that explains why I am so deeply invested in what we do (during which we had an earthquake that originated from a place nearby where one has never happened before, which felt pretty frickin' metaphorically serendipitous and magical!).

For me personally the event was amazing and a reward for a lot of work and hard won growth. As a leader, a role I am only beginning to become comfortable in, I was full of pride for my staff that went above and beyond to connect with guests and create a vibe that had everyone expressing gratitude for the beauty of it. All night long I heard how comfortable people felt, how friendly the staff was, and how beautiful the space was (we decorated simple and classy with luscious fabrics, flowering tree branches, lights and art).

I feel extreme gratitude for my two partners because we were well balanced in the talents and skills we brought to the partnership, we shared responsibility easily and we were very decisive and productive when we met. Everything went smoothly, which speaks to the level of our preparation. I also feel incredibly blessed to get to spend so much time and create with these two beautiful, strong, smart, generous women who share my passion for changing the world by supporting healthy and positive sexuality.

I was more socially comfortable than I have ever been in my life...talking to lots of people (never, ever standing on the wall as an observer, which is a first for me), giving hugs and kisses and cuddles, and even playing spin the bottle with the addition of some dice that made things far racier than mere kissing. Surrounded by so much love, especially my close friends and lovers on staff, I felt confident, sexy, and strong. I felt desired and loved. I felt seen and appreciated for the bigness of who I am. I felt like I was truly a part of a community, a tribe, a family. It was/is so very, very good. I wish everyone in the world had this experience of belongingness. I truly do. I hope we provide for as many people as we are capable.

Impropriety Society Intention Statements

As a staff, we set the conscious intention to act as a community, to encourage and support every staff member, whether we've been friends for years or we've met for the first time through this event. We set the intention for inclusiveness; respecting and celebrating the diversity of every member and the roles they fill.

We intend to respect each other's expertise and the gifts each person has to offer. We intend to check our egos at the door and bring a spirit of love into the space. We intend to work through and rise above personal agendas or difficult issues in order to work as a team. For our community, we set the intention of creating and holding sacred space for safe play, passionate pleasure, and open and free sexual and creative expression. We honor the authenticity of those who enter the space, without judgment, as long as they do not cause harm to another. We recognize that we are honored and privileged to provide our community with a safe container in which to experiment and courageously face their insecurities and fears. And we consciously accept the responsibility of the trust we are given to provide that physical and emotional safety.

What I shared at the staff meeting...

I know it's pretty geeky to actually have a little speech written but I'm very nervous about talking to the group and want to make sure I communicate what's on my heart. For those of you in the room who are new and might be feeling some insecurities about being surrounded by such amazing people, as I once did, know that some of us old timers are just as insecure in our new roles in organizing this group. All of us are risking some sense of vulnerability by being here and it makes me feel better to acknowledge that out loud.

I just want to speak a moment to the reason why I've committed to serving this community and the bigger picture of what we do. I don't know if you've all read the about us page at our website, but I want to emphasize an aspect of it.

We say that "Sex is so potent, powerful, and special that we feel it should be acknowledged and celebrated as an enormous force capable of creating good in the world (earthquake!). The Impropriety Society is committed to nurturing sacred space for sexual expression in all of its glorious manifestations. Things deemed sacred are regarded with reverence and generally thought of as good; however, many people have ideas about sex that set it apart from the sacred, and view it as dirty, bad, sick, nasty, and evil. Our goal is to remove the negative stigma around sex. Through active, conscious creation, we aim to create space in which sex in its many forms can come out of the dark taboo of profanity and into the light of the sacred through dance, music, performance, play, kink, f*ck, and love."

Although it seems like what we provide is a really great and sexy party, it is so much more than that for many who participate. We are providing a community service, albeit an unusual one. We provide the safe physical and emotional space for people to express their deepest, most authentic selves. We provide encouragement for people to explore parts of themselves, sexually and creatively, that they may have repressed in fear and insecurity for most, if not all, of their lives.

We offer the opportunity for people to make connections with other people who are turned on by the same things that they are. We are inviting people out of isolation and fear, into love and acceptance. We are inviting them to share themselves with us and each other. Invitation, acceptance, openness....these are all ideas to hold in your mind when you watch and interact with people.

Whatever your role, from dj to dungeon monitor, and whatever your reasons for working with us, your conscious participation in establishing a nurturing, pleasurable space is essential to our overall success. We have the opportunity through this event to contribute to the positive evolution of both individuals and our community as a whole.

I came across this quote recently...

"When an old culture is dying, the new is created by a few people who are not afraid to be insecure." Rudolf Bahro

Where do our deepest insecurities lie? In intimate relationship, in truly connecting with other human beings. We are afraid we will be seen to be lacking or unlovable in some way; we are afraid no one wants to love the real, authentic us...that we are too weird, too edgy, too perverted to be worthy of love and attention. But there are 50 of us in this room willing to be insecure about our bodies or our ways of having sex or watching other people have sex our even ways of contributing the event. We are living on the edge of our fear, creating new culture based on creativity, positive sexuality and healthy loving.

This event is an opportunity for other people to face their fears, to allow themselves to risk--but not too much--because they know that we have their back. They are safe. And then they realize that we are actually excited to see them come out of their shells, that we actually want to share this experience with them and they become part of our community, growing this new culture we're building.

Thank you for indulging my need to address this particular aspect of what we do. I know everyone here has a different reason for being here. Some are similar to mine, some are very different. I respect them all. I just ask that you use that reason, whatever it is that turns you on and makes you happy, as fuel for the conscious thought and emotion you put into your contribution to the event.

Namaste and thank you for reading.