Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Rediscovering My Bliss

Last night I did a Tarot reading for a friend. It was a really good reading. It inspired deep, meaningful conversation for us both and I believe he walked away with an idea of something important that he needs to develop within himself that he wasn't necessarily aware of before.

I felt my intuition kick in at points during the reading, which is a very magical experience for me. It is also a bit unnerving. I still struggle with trusting what I feel or "know." Actually, it's more appropriate to say that I struggle with trusting it will be accepted and honored by others. I trust what I know through intuitive feeling because I've always been right whenever there's been an opportunity to know so. But I have had people deny things I've felt and I've even lost friends from speaking my intuitive truth (I had a very specific premonition of the negative consequences of a choice they were making and they didn't want to hear it -- sadly my premonition came true). I understand the Cassandra Complex quite well. Yet I continue to speak my intuitive truth, at least in the company of friends and when it's specifically requested.

After my friend left my house, I found myself in a really, really good mood. I felt light and joyful. I felt connected to my deepest, truest self. I daresay I felt a bit of bliss.

Fifteen years ago, after I left the Christian church and started exploring a Pagan/Wiccan path, I read the book The Mysts of Avalon. Although it is a work of fiction, the stories of the Priestesses of Avalon deeply touched me and inspired a pivotal moment in my spiritual journey. I decided to initiate myself as a Priestess, committing my heart and my life to the Divine. In the book, the Priestesses were initiated by having a turquoise crescent moon tattooed on their third eye. Since getting a tattoo on the forehead in the modern world is not socially acceptable, I had a turquoise crescent moon tattooed on the back of my head (I was also a punk-goth who shaved part of my head in various eccentric haircuts for several years).

I began intense self study in divination/intuitive practices, various healing practices and herbal medicine. I gained a reputation with my friends and neighbors for being an intuitive and healer. I did hands on healing for physical issues. I could "read" a person's energy body to determine where the pain or symptoms were and I could often feel out the related emotional challenges that needed to be addressed. I could often relieve symptoms through energy work. I made teas, tinctures, oils and incenses for both physical and emotional issues. And I did Tarot readings.

For some reason I stopped all of these things when I graduated from college and started working full time. Having to work a crappy job to support my children did something to "kill my spirit." I've never fully reclaimed my spirit or my gifts since.

Last night's reading reminded me of how it feels when I am in the flow of my gifts and expressing who I am in the world. I am rediscovering my bliss. I am remembering how important magic is to me (magic being my way of describing energetic experiences that transcend material reality). I am remembering the commitment I've made to the Divine over and over again to embody the Priestess archetype and facilitate spiritual connection within my community.

I don't know if I'll return to practicing everything that I did before, but I know that doing intuitive readings is a step in the right direction towards the sort of spiritual counseling/coaching that I'd like to do. I am going to start paying attention for opportunities to practice my intuitive skills. And I'm going to put out an invitation on Facebook to see if anyone I know feels called to receiving a reading. I need and desire the practice...and to experience the sense of bliss that I felt last night.


Image Source: Inner Voice from the Osho Zen Tarot
(High Priestess in traditional decks)

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